Today's Reason To Drink

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy:

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"

Today's Reason To Drink

The Cards, sons! What a great game. Is anyone else still hungover? Saturday night's game against North Carolina is going to be a ball-breaker. We can do it, boys!

Today's Reason To Drink

We've got another birthday in the house ...

Happy Birthday to my friend, Matt Prybylski, aka The Dude.

His birthday is also a reason we're traveling to West Virginia next weekend. (Look for the roadtrip rehash in the next LEO Bar Belle column.)

Today's Reason To Drink

Happy Birthday to my friend, Courtney Sandora!

(I wanted to post a few photos, but didn't want to tarnish your upstanding image.)

Can't wait for our birthday journey to West Virginia!

Bar Belle from 3/26/08 LEO

The Bar Belle
BY SARA HAVENS

Chief Party Officer wanted

Get this. Churchill Downs is looking for an official Chief Party Officer for this year’s Kentucky Derby. The track is currently conducting a nationwide search for the ultimate partier, to be crowned “official host of the infield.”

Forget all that ceremonial bullshit — what do you get? Free beer for one. Free access to your own restroom in the infield. Four passes to the infield. Free food. And instant celebrity. Oh, and 500 bucks!

“The Kentucky Derby is one of the biggest social events of the year, and one of the best parties in the world,” said Brent Alexander, senior director of marketing for Churchill Downs. “What we are looking for is a character who represents all of the people in the infield and someone who really knows the meaning to the word ‘party.’”

Of course, they need look no further than right here (they had me at private restroom), but I’m willing to face competition. What’ll it be? A chug-off? Keg stand? Pub crawl?

OK, it’s none of those, unfortunately. But here’s what you have to do to be considered: 1) Create a 90-second video and upload it to YouTube.com; and 2) Fill out an application at www.kentuckyderby.com/infield.

There’s a comical video at www.youtube.com/kentuckyderby that details the rules and such. In it, a man who resembles Steve Carell says the Churchill Downs CPO should be able to take a quarter, bounce it on a table, and have it land anywhere she wants. Other examples of a worthy CPO are if your bar tab consistently exceeds your paycheck; if you have a special hangover concoction that bears your last name; and if everyone on the overnight shift at White Castle knows you by first name. Hmmm … I can relate to the bar tab experience, but I suck at Quarters.

When I asked Brent if he thought I had a shot, he said, “Has there ever been a time when the Bar Belle has chosen to not have a shot?” So true.

If you think you can beat me, I encourage you to apply. And if you win, I better be one of your four guests! You have till April 13 to get your video shot. Action!

Anyone wanna help me film my video? E-mail me at shavens@leoweekly.com

Today's Reason To Drink

I killed a rabbit on the way to the gym this morning! Awful, awful, awful! I heard the bones crunch under my car. I almost had to pull over because I thought I was going to get sick. I feel so bad. I hope it wasn't the Easter Bunny, although he forgot to visit my house this year.

R.I.P. little bunny.

Today's Reason To Drink

Despite the colder temperatures, I'm in a springy mood. The Cards are advancing. The sun is shining. I'm starting to have things to do on the weekends. I can almost smell the Derby approaching.

Yes it's a lame post. So what. Make up your own frickin' reason!

Today's Reason To Drink

Forgot to post yesterday -- I have an excuse, though. I had the day off! Time well spent recuperating on the couch. Cards game was incredible! I watched it at Dundee. Had to get there at 5 just to get a table! So now this means they're playing on Easter? Unfortunately, I'll be bartending at R Place that day and was planning on having a chick-flick marathon and hiding beer bottles throughout the bar. Looks like I might actually be busy. Damn.

Today's Reason To Drink

Who else has Good Friday off? Who else is ready to tear up the town tonight? I feel like I have a free pass, since I don't have to wake up early and pretend like my head is on straight.

And where are we watching the game tomorrow night? It's going to be a big one - if you want a seat at a bar in this town, you better be going out at 6pm at the latest.

I've been good all week. It's time to be bad. Well, as bad as my conservative upbringing will allow me.

Today's Reason To Drink

It's raining. Again. It's also the fifth anniversary of the Iraq War. How depressing.

Today's Reason To Drink

Just heard that Punky Brewster had a baby! That makes me feel old. And sober.

Today's Reason To Drink

It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. May you have the day off and be two pints of Guinness into your celebrations! I, on the other hand, am very sober and intend to stay that way. Saturday's activities just about did me in.

Today's Reason To Drink

Last night I somehow frequented a total of seven bars throughout the Highlands. It went something like this ...

Back Door (for gin and chili)
O'Shea's (for the Tapping of the Keg)
Dublin Cellar (looking for my friends Greg and Kevin)
Wick's (still looking for Greg and Kevin)
Flanagan's (finally found Greg and Kevin)
Dundee Tavern (to check in and say "hey" because I haven't been in awhile)
Pink Door (to play Rock Band, but unfortunately it wasn't set up, so I taught some dude the virtues of a beer and a sidecar -- and the beer was that nasty green shit! I hate that.)

Whew. No wonder my head is spinning and my liver's throbbing.

Blessing of the Keg

Looking for something to do? Stop by O'Shea's tonight for their annual "Tapping of the Keg" event at 6:30 p.m. Basically it's a reason to listen to Irish music, drink delicious BBC Bourbon Barrel Stout and hang out with cool Irish people. I'll be there, which I hope doesn't detract from its "coolness." Come have a pint or four.

Today's Reason To Drink

Today's Reason To Drink

Is your tolerance in shape for the St. Patty's long weekend? If you have to question, then you should be drinking right now.

Bar Belle from 3/12/08 LEO

Green and bear it

Are you ready for the best long weekend in Louisville? Yes, I know Derby is months away. I’m not talking about that binge-fest — because I believe that St. Patty’s weekend is far superior here. I always have more fun these next few days than I do trying to convince track-going out-of-towners that our city is one of the best places to cop a buzz.

With St. Patrick’s Day falling on a Monday this year, it’s going to throw a minor wrench into my level of debauchery (unless, of course, you’d be willing to overlook a few spelling, proofing and editing errors in next week’s LEO). (NOTE TO EDITORS: OnlLy kiding …) So that means I’ll just have to get it all out of my system this weekend. Which starts on Thursday, by the way.

The festivities begin Thursday night with the annual Ancient Order of Hibernians (aka local Irish dudes) “Blessing of the Beer” event where a keg of BBC’s Jefferson Reserve Bourbon Barrel Stout is blessed by a real live priest at the BBC Taproom on Main Street (5 p.m.), and then carted over to O’Shea’s where thirsty blokes await (6:30 p.m.). There’ll be Irish music and food to keep you occupied between pints.

And on Saturday, we’ve got the annual Hibernians’ St. Patrick’s Parade that stumbles down Baxter and Bardstown Road in the Highlands (from Phoenix Hill Tavern to the Mid-City Mall) at 3 p.m. It is a family event, so bring the kids and teach them at a young age that it’s OK to run into the street for candy and beads. I’ll be on the R Place Pub float practicing my best pageant wave while thinking of anything other than my nagging full bladder.

In other green news, there’s currently a push by the esteemed folks at Guinness to make St. Patrick’s Day an official U.S. holiday — meaning you wouldn’t have to lie about taking the day off anymore. They need your support at http://proposition317.com.

If I bump into you or throw beads in your eyes this weekend, I didn’t mean it, I swear. But I’ll have another if you’d be so kind. E-mail me at shavens@leoweekly.com or check out my blog at leobarbelle.blogspot.com

Today's Reason To Drink

OK, well the concert last night wasn't too bad. Once Bret took the stage, he genuinely looked like he was still having fun. He sang most of the Poison hits -- including "Talk Dirty To Me," "Something To Believe In," "Every Rose Has A Thorn" and "Nothin But A Good Time." To hear those classics live is truly something to behold.

But the dude only played for about an hour and 15 minutes. That's it. I was home at 9:30pm! $27 for 75 minutes? Not sure it was worth it. The beer was only $2.50, though. So I was in high spirits.

All in all, I'd still Unskinny Bop him any time, any place.

Today's Reason To Drink

I'll admit it. I'm going to the Bret Michaels concert tonight at Caesars. A friend bought tickets a few months back -- and now the time has come. To tell you the truth, my soft spot for Bret died when the first "Rock of Love" aired on VH1 last year. I found him to be gross. Poison's Greatest Hits, though, are some of the most played on my iPod. So I'm going to attempt to put his recent shenanigans out of my mind tonight as I try to remember what 1988 truly felt like.

WTF?

OK, so I'm home at 10pm on a Friday. Drinking a Bud Select (last one from the party I threw 3 months ago!) and a sidecar of Woodford on the rocks, of course. Can't go to the bars because it's snowing. Unacceptable. (BTW- that took me three tries to spell correctly.) Listening to Lucinda Williams' "Those Three Days." How much more depressing can it get? I've e-mailed everyone I know on Myspace. This is lame!

Today's Reason To Drink

A Manhattan pub is banning the song "Danny Boy" for the month of March. Check out the story here.

I'm going to agree with this decision. Have you listened to the song? It's depressing. And it was written by an Englishman who never even went to Ireland. So I'm hereby banning it from being played in Louisville this month, especially next week, when St. Patty's activities shift into full gear. Can I get someone to second this declaration?

Here are the lyrics if you're curious:

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Today's Reason To Drink

We're in the lead! Louisville is currently winning the Bushmills Sister-City competition. Read my last Bar Belle column below for details. Or better yet, just go vote. Click here.

Today's Reason To Drink

They had the entire '80s catalogue to choose from -- but the guys last night on "American Idol" sucked big time. What the hell? No hairbands? Instead, they did Wham and Lionel. No, no, no! Hopefully the girls will step it up tonight and kick ass. I'm rooting for the rock & roll nurse.

Today's Reason To Drink

Where'd my sunshine go? You were my promise of spring. Of life, warmth and activity. Did our time together mean anything to you? As I do the Walk of Shame through the rain, I curse myself for getting too close too soon.

Today's Reason To Drink

It's March! It's 64 degrees! The sun's out! The basketball tournament is gearing up! I need to go grocery shopping!

There -- there are your reasons to drink all week. Don't ever accuse me of not having my shit together.